Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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