Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
