:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
