he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
