If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
