Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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