youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
