so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
