i don't plan on having that self control this summer
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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