also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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