apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
