dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
