cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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