I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
