Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
