You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What a dumb baby whore.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
