the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
