She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize