P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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