she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
