well you can't waste a boner
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You are a genius and a whore.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
