someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The air was thick with penises
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
