Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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