I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
