I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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