i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
