I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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