So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
