Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
third nipple confirmed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
