She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
