How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
