wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize