If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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