Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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