he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we're making bets on your personal life
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am one with the molecules
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
