he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Four minutes until I can fart!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
