Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
