Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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