I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
