If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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