He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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