I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
