Im at strip club and am horny
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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