I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
