he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
