I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
