Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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