Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
