is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
