hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
