I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
