i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
