I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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