first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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