what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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