So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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