She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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