im having a threesome with these popsicles
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
