I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
