I wanna bring you to show and tell
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
