so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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