Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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