great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
