Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Someone shit on the floor
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it's like iHOP with fire
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
