He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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