And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
