people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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