you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
