new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
