It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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