the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize