it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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