Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
